Ultamite Survivor...Sheeps & Pigs & Cats, Oh My!!
by EvilGameshowHostess
Summary: This is just me and my friends being idiots. They told me to write it, so I did. Enjoy!!!


"Alright, third time I'm starting this… so let's get started! I'll be your host, the sardonic pessimist suicidal fun schizophrenic Jenny Dollã, and I'll be joining 12 other lucky contestants on a far away island, where the last one alive gets the cash. Let's meet the other contestants!"

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Hello, Sheepie. Our first contestant, Emily, the evil sheep, is here. What did ya bring with ya as your weapon?"

"Baaa?" The sheep held up a pair of sheers.

"Sheers? I guess that'll work. Alright, go on up to the clubhouse and pick a room. No killing until tomorrow."

"Baaaah!" The sheep walked off towards the hill and clubhouse.

"Here's our next contestant, Rachel, the anorexic assassin! What did you bring, Rachel?" Rachel looked at me evilly.

"I brought the killfrog evil piggies."

"Um, isn't that 3 items?"

"Not really, they're considered one."

"Oh, okay… go on up to the clubhouse. No killing 'till tomorrow."

"Ugh, fine, I won't kill anyone today. Come on pigs…"

"Little mother fucker…." I glared after as the pigs started to mutter at me.

"Um, strange people. Now the third contestant…. And you are?"

"Queenie, the grocery store bag-boy."

"And what did you bring, Queenie?"

"Bags from Windixie… paper and plastic."

"Clubhouse that way, no killing until tomorrow." He walked off up the hill.

"And who's next?" Looks down at role sheet. "Looks like Karen's next." I waited a few minutes. "Okay, where's Karen?"

"I'm here." I turned.

"Oh, okay then, What weapon did you bring, Gothic Karen?"

"I brought some plastic explosives."

"Ohh, good choice. Clubhouse is that way, no killing until tomorrow…." I pointed up towards the clubhouse. She nodded and walked off as Keli showed up. "Hey bitch, and what did you bring?"

"What else?" She held up her scythe. I groaned.  
"Clubhouse there, no death till tomorrow." She stalked off.

"Hey Jenn, s'up?" I turned.

"Ugh, you! Die! But first, what'd you bring, Alan Asshole?"

"A computer so I can talk to all my friends on land."

"Um, you do know that there's not electricity here, don't you?"

"No……. Damnit!!" He walked off where I pointed. I didn't have to worry about telling him not to kill anyone.

"And, Googie's next." Googie walked up. "What'd you bring?"

"Um, I don't wanna say…"

"You have to Googie…." He muttered something inaudible. "What was that?"

"I SAID, 'I BROUGHT CONDOMS'!!!"

"Okay, we all know what's wrong with you…" Kassy walked up.

"And what did you bring Kassy, the disgruntled postal worker?"

"A sniper rifle."

"Oh, you know how to work that thing?"

"Not really…"

"Clubhouse is up the hill, you two. Go… no killing until tomorrow." They walked off. "Next are… Hannah-Bowl and Justin. What did you guys bring?"

"A fork," was Hannah-Bowl's reply.

"Pink fuzzy handcuffs," was Justin's.

"O………k……. Clubhouse that way, no killing. Hmm, and I guess the last two to come are John, the ego-maniacal mystery boy, and the druggie Jonathan. What'd you bring?" 

"Laughing gas," Jonathan said, high as always.

"Nothing," John said.

"Um, why nothing?"

"Because I don't need anything."

"Clubhouse that way, no killing until tomorrow…"

"Alright, it's morning, and today, the official contest can begin. Back again, I'm your hostess, Schizophrenic Jenny Doll, and a quick run-down of the other contestants: John, the ego-maniacal mystery boy, Jonathan, the druggie, Karen, the Gothic chick, Googie, the hormone-crazed Karenizer, Rachel, the assassin, Emily, the evil sheep, Keli, the braided scythe-girl, Justin, the handcuff guy, Hannah-Bowl (that says enough), Alan, the asshole, Kassy, the disgruntled postal worker, and Queenie, the grocery store bag-boy. 

"Our first and only phase of this show is… Kill until you die. The last one standing gets the prize, and if everyone's dead, no one gets it."

"Um, does anyone know we're out here?" Keli asked, leaning on her scythe.

"Nope, that's the point," I replied.

"But doesn't he know?" Karen pointed to the man behind the camera.

"Um, I'm the camera guy. I'm not really here. I just film the thing…"

"See, no one…"

"But, wouldn't it be better if someone knew where we were?" John asked, giving me a strange look.

"Nope, better the fewer people that know."

"Yeah, so when all of you are cannibalized, no one will come looking for your bloody carcasses. Hehehehehehehe…" The little pigs were at it again.

"Um, shouldn't this show's executives know where we are?" Rachel asked, getting a little concerned now. "Whoever wins, how will we get back?"

"A helicopter will be here in a few days. Not to fear, everything has been worked out. Only the pilot knows where we are, the executives told him to just leave us on any island for a few days."

"Then how did that clubhouse get there?" Kassy asked, motioning back to the clubhouse that we were standing in front of.

"It's just there for coincidence, to make it more interesting, considering that this is soposted to be a deserted island. This is my story, and I can do whatever I want in it."

"Then that means we're all gonna die horrible, bloody, and gruesome deaths, and you're going to end up the winner, am I right?" 

"You'll see, but yeah, I probably will." They all gave me evil looks, and I smiled.

"I give you all thirty minutes to get out of here, then we can–"

"Die, Alan!!!" Karen and Keli lunged for the boy. Keli managed to hold him down while Karen shoved some of her plastic explosives up his ass, then lit them. Before he exploded in a bloody BAM, Keli used her scythe to swipe off his head. It went rolling across the ground. 

"Um…" Kassy took a step back. Disgust crossed over her face.

"What?" Keli and Karen asked at the same time. Some blood was on the edge of Keli's scythe, and Karen was holding the rest of her plastic explosives.

"Agh-humm." I cleared my voice. "You were soposted to wait till I rug the bell at the clubhouse before you started killing."

"Oops." **BOOM** The rest of Alan was blown apart.

"I guess it doesn't matter anymore. But no one else will die before I ring that damned bell!"

"What bell?" Rachel asked, looking back at the clubhouse. As we were looking at the clubhouse, the pigs began to drag the pieces of Alan away. 

"The one up there." I pointed. A big bell appeared on the clubhouse.

"It is not fair that you can manipulate anything you want in this fucking story! I want some power, too!!" Queenie shouted, throwing up his arms, tossing a paper bag at me.

"Sorry, my story, my rules. If you don't shut up, I'll make you die a worst death than Alan over there." I pointed back at Alan's body. "Hey, it's gone?"

"Um, we just disposed of the body. Hehehehehehehehehehe…" The pigs were coming back into the clearing. Speak had a drop or two of blood on its mouth.

"Okay…" I backed away from the pigs. They were kinda freaky. "Now, go wherever the hell you want on this island. You can go in groups, or alone, I don't care, but NO MORE FUCKING KILLING PEOPLE UNTIL I SAY!!!"

"Okay!" they all responded together. Then, they all turned and went in their own directions. Some together, some alone with their weapons.

"Heh heh, all alone with my laughing gas. I can finally get higher than ever!" Jonathan was finally alone, sitting in some tall grass with the canister of laughing gas in his lap. He took the top off and began to inhale.

"Baaaaaaaa!" Emily was sitting in the woods somewhere, with the pair of sheers on the ground in front of her. "Baaaaah." She was getting bored, and began to hunt a scent. It was Queenie's.

"Googie, stop following me around, or I'll kill you first!" 

"But I have to follow you around, I want you Karen."

"Ewe, get away from me. Please."

"But I–"

"Leave me alone, damnit!" She stalked off into the brush, leaving a depressed Googie by himself.

"Keli, why won't you leave me alone? Keli, go do your homework? Keli, get off the computer." Keli was muttering to herself blankly, using her scythe to slice down anything in her way. "Go do the dogs, Keli. Go save the world, Keli. Go win a God damned mystery prize on some deserted island where you will most likely be killed, Keli!!"

"Stupid pigs, got to Alan first…" Hannah-Bowl was ranting as she was trying to find her way through the forest. Justin had decided to go another way, around that large burial pit. 

"Ugh, stupid forest…" Justin was wondering through the woods blankly, the pink fuzzy handcuffs weren't helping to much. He had decided to travel alone, that way, no one would turn on him. 

"Heh heh, I can get anyone from this spot with my rifle. Heh heh." Kassy was sitting up in a tree near a cliff. She was also alone, and heard rustling in the bushes. 

"Why do they all call me Queenie? My name is Kelly, not Queenie. And I'm a cashier, not a bag-boy! I got promoted a few weeks ago!" Queenie was stomping through a field, talking to himself. "Damn Rachel, she's the one that started it! I am not fucking gay!!"

And then there's me. I was sitting back at the clubhouse, playing with the flame thrower. I burned down like, three of the clubhouses I wrote in here, and this new one was a lot better. Now, I was watching the big screen TV with electricity, (I know I said there was none, but think of a giant battery.) when I realized that it was an hour after I should have rung the bell. I got up and began to ring it, then, went back to my show.

"Whoa, this stuff is great!" Jonathan was high, and was fixing to inhale another good hit, he felt lightheaded. Then, before he even really knew what was going on, he was on the ground, on his back. He was dead before he knew it. The pigs just happened to be walking along…

"Heh heh, Another victim!"

"Let's get him!"

"I need meat!" See, Speak, and Hear came upon Jonathan's body. They began to build a fire to cook the body. 

"Alright pigs, you got one! Two down, ten to go." Rachel walked up, noticing Jonathan. She didn't even question why they were building a fire. 

"Alright, time to kill…" Keli muttered, sneaking off back towards the clubhouse. "I'll get Jenn first." 

"No you won't."

"Who the fuck said that?!?!"

"Me, my story, I can do whatever I want, so I can talk to you through your head."

"Agh, I have a voice in my head, I have a voice in my head!! Get it out, Get. It. OUT!!!!!"

"Gurrr, stupid forest!! I hate this! I. Hate. This!!!" Queenie was pissed. And the fact that he began to hear noises coming from up ahead. "Who's there?"

"Me." Kassy jumped out of her tree and in front of him. He screeched a girly scream as she grabbed one of the plastic bags out of his hands and threw it over his head. 

"IEEE, eeeeeee, eeeeeee!!! I can't breath!!! Get it off me! Get it offa me!!!"

Emily just happened to be walking by as Kassy closed the bottom of the bag around his head. Poor Queenie was trashing around and putting up quite a struggle. Eventually, he stopped moving, twitching every now and then.

"Heh heh, two down, ten to go." (She didn't know that Jonathan was dead already.) Kassy pulled the bag off of his head, just so they could identify him. 

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Emily was going into a rampage. She had liked Queenie, and now she was pissed that he was dead. Turning on the first person she saw, she started to run after Kassy with the sheers.

As the two disappeared into the woods, the pigs happened to be near.

"Wow, two in just a few minutes."

"Yum, Gay Gumbo. Heh heh."

"Anyone got the pepper?"

"Maybe I should have been nicer to Googie?" Karen was walking through a small field by herself. She had left Googie behind before the bell had rung. If he would have been with her, he would be nothing but pieces by now. She wanted to win that prize.

"Alright, Googie!! You can quit following me now!!!" Karen shouted.

"But I wasn't following you…"

"Go away, Googie."

"But–"

"Do you want to die?"

"No."

"Then get away from me."

"Um, Justin?"

"What, Hannah-Bowl?"

"I'm hungry."

"There's got to be some sort of berry, or something around here."

"Not that kinda hungry…"

"Hannah…"

"Come here!!!!" Hannah-Bowl began to run after the fleeing Justin with her fork raised high. 

"Where am I?" John was looking around absently. He and Rachel had earlier split ways after some fun, which meant that he would have to find his own way through the shit forest. He was already soaking wet from taking a tumble into a nice, big pond, and now he was just wondering around for someone to kill.

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Emily was chasing after Kassy still with her sheers. She had already managed to make Kassy have less than a normal amount of hair. 

"Leave me alone, Sheepie!! I don't want to be a skinhead!!!!"

Kassy managed to climb into a tree, and the sheep had to go away. She came upon Justin, who was hiding from Hannah-Bowl.

"Baaa?"

"Hannah's trying to eat me!"

"Baaaaah."

"You understand?"

"Baaaa." Emily picked up a small flower she found and handed it to Justin.

"Is this editable?"

"Baaaa?"

"I guess I'll find out, then." He crammed the flower into his mouth and began to chew it. "Hmm, kinda crunchy for a flower."

"Baaa?" As soon as Emily bleated that time, Justin fell over, foaming at the mouth. "Baaaaaa?"

"Justin!!" Hannah-Bowl appeared. She began to sniffle. "I don't really want to eat Justin. But hey, lunch is lunch." She took a match and lit Justin on fire. After a few seconds, he was cooked. "Yum, I finally get to eat someone." A few minutes later, Hannah-Bowl was laying on the ground as well, foaming at the mouth. 

"Baaaaah!" Emily was bleating frantically. _Hmm, I guess Justin died of poising, and Hannah-Bowl got it from Justin's blood, or something like that._ (Since a sheep can't talk, I'll make it think.)

"I'm bored…" I was tired of doing everything, and I had already decided to call everyone back for a count of who was still alive. But for now, I figured that I could just mess around with peoples heads some more.

"Okay, now that everyone's back, I think, why don't we call it quits for the day?"

"Why? Why stop now? Why not just go on through the night? Less visibility, more places to hide, the perfect battle ground," John suggested.

"You only think that because you're surrounded by all these women who are stronger than you are, and think that you'll have the advantage in the dark," I pointed out. It was true, he wasn't near as strong as he made himself out to be. 

"No, I'm stronger than all of you combined."

"Yeah right! You wanna bet on it?" I stood up, and along with the rest of the girls there right then, we began to move forwards, towards him with our weapons raised high.

"N–" we paused, waiting for his answer. "Not right now." He backed away, defeated for the moment.

"But, I have changed my mind. I think that it would be a good idea if we continued into the night."

"I don't want to be out there at night!" Kassy shouted, backing away from the group. "I won't be able to see through my sights." She pointed to the sniper rifle in her hands.

"So, I won't be able to take aim, either." 

"Jenn, you have a fucking flame thrower. You don't have to take aim to kill someone," she said, hint of annoyance in her tone.

"Heh heh, that's why I chose a flame thrower." 

"You bitch…" 

"What did you just call me?"

"Nothing." She broke off and went to sit in one of the bean bag chairs in the corner. "It's not like you'll be out in the battle field anyway. You'll just stay in your nice little mansion while all of us are wreaking havoc on anything that moves." 

"Nope, I'm gonna get in on the fun this time. How about another hour of peace, then we'll head out again?"

"Alright."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Baaaa."

"Fine."

"Whatever."

"I don't care."

"Then it's settled. One hour to get something to eat, and out to a good place. Everyone has agreed."

"No wait!! I haven't!"

"Who the hell are you?"

"I don't want to film this anymore! I'm going home!!"

"Not so fast. You are binded by the same agreement all of us are to the Federal Union of Cruel and Kickass Punishment Television Network. Besides, you're the one that's getting paid."

"Well, I'm not getting paid enough! Bye!!" The camera man threw down the camera and ran for the door. 

"Stop. Right. There. Looks like we've got another contestant on our hands."

"What?"

"It says right here," a small, yellow booklet appeared in my hands. "that anytime you forgo filming, we have the right to make you a contestant. That camera was the only thing that was keeping you safe, buddy."

"Um, I think I'll–"

"Get him." My plain and simple order turned into a scramble, ending up with the camera man outside, and three of the girls holding him down.

"Who wants to do the honors?" I asked, stepping outside.

"I don't want to die!!!"

"Oh, come on! We're not going to kill you." 

"We're not?!?" Keli yelled/asked, turning to me with her scythe.

"Not yet anyway."

"Why not now?" Karen asked. She had a match already lit, and a small plastic explosive in her hand.

"Because, we need to give him a chance. Else it wouldn't be fun. Here," I tossed the poor guy a knife. "Now, go. Get out of here. You're a contestant."

"But–can't I just pick up my camera again?" he asked meekly. His eyes were very wide, and he looked very confused.

"Nope. You're contract was broken, as is your camera."

"Then that means that this can't be filmed. Then the game is over?"

"No, this game will go on until one of us wins. Unless you want to die now, I suggest that you run." He scrambled up and began to run. Keli started after him, her scythe raised high. I grabbed onto the back of her black jacket. She began to run like one of those Looney Toons characters when they're about to fall off a cliff. 

"Let. Me. Go. You schizophrenic maniac!" she shouted when she realized that she wasn't going anywhere.

"We still have 50 minutes before our peace agreement is over. You kill him before then and you're disqualified."

"What do we win, anyway? They never told us," Rachel asked, stepping outside. She had been in the building, raiding the kitchen. She was eating a family sized box of Choco Cream Cookies, and was almost done with it.

"Don't ask me, I'm just the author. They don't tell me these things. When I get back, I'm quitting. I don't like being the author for Cruel and Unusual Punishments TV. It's too hard. I barely survived the last thing they made me do!"

"And what the hell could be more dangerous that this?" Karen asked, dumping the explosive back into her blue L. L. Bean's pocket.

"Try having to skydive into an active volcano. That was fun…" It was fun, until the volcano erupted. 

"Oh, okay then. You have a death wish," Karen replied. She was looking at me like I was crazy."

"I don't have a nine-word title for nothing."

"Baaaaaa."

"Shut up, Sheepie."

"Baaaa?"

"I said, 'shut the fuck up!'"

"Baaaaah."

"Bleat one more time, and…" I let it drop off. The sheep was really beginning to annoy me. 

"Ba–" I lifted my flame thrower and the sheep fell silent.

"That's better. Thank you, I have a headache."

"Baaaa." Even though it sounded like a concerned tone, I turned on the flame thrower. "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" The sheep screeched in agony. In a few minutes, we had a nice dinner on the floor. Unfortunately, the ceiling was also on the floor. 

"Damnit, that's the fourth clubhouse I've wrecked. Oh well." Another clubhouse appeared around us. It was slightly smaller, but just as nice. "That's better."

"Okay, that is not fair that you can do that." Keli's tone held a hint of jealously.

"Who wants dinner?"

"Alright, it's been an hour. Let's go." I got up and reluctantly left my sanctuary. In that one hour, everything in the house had been eaten, most by Rachel. Karen had refused to eat the sheep, so the Killfrog pigs got most of it. I had gotten myself a nice big bowl of Sheep Stew, and Keli had a salad. 

We all filed out of the house, and because Keli was hovering over my shoulder and annoying me as I write this, I torched her. 

"Hey, why'd you kill Keli?" Kassy asked, feeling kind of sorry for the girl.

"Because she annoys the crap out of me." I picked up the scythe she had carried and decapitated her, then impaled the head on a stick. I struck the stick into the ground, and walked on.

"Keli was not told to be killed here, and by you, Jenny!" 

"Voices in my head?"

"No, this is the corporate executive for the Federal Union of Cruel and Kickass Punishment Television Network, the FUCKPTN. She wasn't scripted to die like that."

"Oh well, nothin you can do 'bout it now, boss-man. You can't bring her back to life, which is a good thing."

"Yes I can." With that, the head unimpaled itself from the stick, reattached to the body, and went back to its original, uncharred state.

"Damn you."

"Alright, we split up here. Go on wherever. That camera man should be out here somewhere already."

"Nope."

"Probably not."

"Doubt it."

"And how would you three know? You're just pigs."

"Heh heh, we know more than you do, bitch."

"That's Goddess Bitch to you."

"Bitch."

After splitting off, I was left alone. With a small little flame of light from the torch, I began to make my way around the other players to head them off with a wall of flame, and to hopefully dispose of them all in a neat little heap.

Rachel was also walking away from the group as well, but her plan was less direct. Isolate each individually and knock them off one by one. That was the plot running through her blonde head, and it was a pretty good plot, with one flaw.

"But we don't want kill Karen!"

"We will protect her."

"She won't die."

"Gurr, you stupid pigs! She's the enemy! We have to knock her off so we can win the prize!" Rachel was having a little problem. The pigs refused to kill Karen, who was standing behind a tree ahead. She had yet to spot Rachel or the pigs, although it was a wonder that she hadn't heard them yet.

"No, Karen will not fall as our victim."

"We love her!"

"She is a goddess! We refuse!"

"DAMN YOU!!!"

"Ah, away from Googie at last!" Karen was away from the oaf, thankfully. He kept saying shit about wanting her, and not wanting what he brought to go to waste. She had managed to outrun him early on.

She had found a good spot to rest at, a nice, big tree to hide behind from the main path going through the island. No one would find her here.

"Karen! Karen, where are you? I _need_ you, Karen."

"Oh great, that shit followed me. I thought I had lost him."

"Hey, there's that guy who won't leave Karen alone!"

"Let's get him!"

"He'll die for harassing her!"

"Hey, I told you to kill Karen, but if that pervert falls, maybe I can get her myself. Go, attack piggies!"

"Hey, what's that noise?" Googie was trying to follow Karen's path, but was having a little trouble. It had ended a few feet earlier. 

"DIE!!!"

"No one hits on our Karen!"

"And lives to tell about it!"

The pigs attacked. Googie hardly had time to even notice what was going on before three little spears were thrusted into his lower leg. "Geeeeeyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!" He was screaming, and swatting at the pigs, who were beginning to take big bites out of him. "Yaaaa, Yaaaaa yaaaa yaaaaa yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!" Karen stepped out of the brush to see the pigs ripping Googie apart. "Karen!!! Help me!!" 

"You're getting what you deserve, Googie!! Get him! Get him!! Yeah, you can't bother me anymore!!!"

"Hmm, worked rather well. She won't suspect a thing. One down, one more to go, for now."

"Damnit, I can't figure out how this damned thing works." Kassy was muttering to herself as she examined her rifle. Turning it around, she began to fool around with the trigger.

"Thanks for getting him for me, piggies."

"It was nothing, Karen."

"Anything for you, Karen."

"We love you, Karen"

"You idiot! She wasn't supposed to find out!"

"Now she knows about our affection!"

"I'm sorry, but we love you, Karen!"

"We refused to murder you."

"Rachel was going to make us."

"But we wouldn't let her."

"Well, thank you for getting rid of him. It was a nice thing of you to do."

"You're welcome, Karen."

"Anything for you, Karen."

"We promise we won't let Master Rachel kill you, Karen." The pigs were babbling, and after every sentence, they repeated the name 'Karen' over again, like it was some estranged prayer or goddess that they followed.

"We love you, Karen!" See repeated.

"We will always protect you, Karen!" Hear announced.

"Your live will be safe with us!" Speak said.

"Yeah right. Don't get all sappy on me, pigs. I'll still need you to get rid of everyone else." Rachel was still behind her tree, silently watching the pigs and Karen talking. She decided that now was her chance.

Kassy, still infatuated by the gun, was still puzzled by how it worked. She heard something click into place. "There, I think that was the safety. Here, now I can just turn this back around–" Her finger brushed the trigger. The boom was heard a ways away. Blood began to rain down around the tree, and Kassy, or what was left of her, fell out of the tree and hit the ground with a light *thud.

"Oh crap, I just remembered something! I was supposed to give everyone an identification bracelet before they left! I'll have to call them back." I made my way back to the new house as quick as I could. I grabbed the microphone (don't ask, I just needed something to project my voice.) and shouted into it, "Everyone, report back to the clubhouse immediately. The peace agreement is in effect as of now until I say you can go again! Everyone, I need you to come back, now!"

"Okay, where's Googie and Kassy?" I asked, looking over the heads of the people that had shown up. Karen was there, with a mean-looking Rachel on the other side. The pigs were at Karen's feet, Keli was beside John, and I was at the front. "Are these the only people left?"

"Yep."

"I guess so."

"I didn't kill anyone, if that's what you mean?"

"No, never mind. Here," I began to hand out ID bracelets, one for each person.

"Um, why do we have to wear one of these? They're too shiny," Keli muttered, tugging at hers. 

"Because, so far we haven't, and I think it might be better if we could identify the bodies."

"Yeah, since some of us are going to be dead, _soon_!" Rachel said, directing her comment directly at Karen for some reason.

"No, someone _else_ will be dead before the night is up!" Karen retorted back. 

"Yeah right!"

"Wanna bet!?!"

"Yeah!!" Rachel walked over to Karen, picked her up, and threw her off the balcony. (I just wanted Karen to be balconied, so I put a balcony in the living room.) "I won." We could all hear Karen's dying screams as she plummeted down the cliff that the house was on the edge of. There was a *thud, then a *crunch, and finally a *slam!

"Our Karen!!!" The three pigs cried at the same time. "You bitch!" 

"You're going to pay, Rachel!!"

"Prepare to die!" With that, the pigs lunged forwards and shoved Rachel off the balcony as well. We heard a *thud, then a *crunch, and finally a *slam. "No!!! We killed our master!"

"She deserved to die!"

"She killed our Karen!"

"O…K…" We all backed away from the pigs, or at least the other three of us did. Now, that only left Mystery Boy, Suicidal Fun Jenny, and Scythe Infatuated Keli. Three left. 

"Alright, why don't we just stay here for the rest of the night and get some sleep? We can continue in the morning," I suggested. They all nodded, and we pretty much just slept where we happened to fall.

"It's morning!!!! Wake!!! UP!!!!!!!" I shouted. Everyone around me woke up with a start, then grumpily got up. We were all in our clothes from last night. 

"Jenn, it's 5:30 in the morning. Why in all of hell are you waking me up this early? I want to get more fucking sleep!!! I'm tired as hell, and I need my damned sleep!!!!!" Keli was obviously not a morning person.

"Well, because I wake up at 5:30 means that I'm gonna wake all of you up too. So, GET OUT OF YOUR FUCKING BEDS!!!!!!!"

The other two managed to get up without much more grumbling and to fix themselves up enough to be ready to get back outside. Instead…

"I can kill you first, John!"

"No you can't! I'll kill you first!"

"No you won't!!!"

"Yes I will!!" 

"No, you," there was a pause, then a *shink sound. "Won't!!" I saw a head roll across the floor from the living room into the kitchen. It stopped at my feet. I looked down at the bloody severed head, and shrieked. I kicked it back into the living room like a soccer ball. Keli kicked it into the air, and it flew towards me. I smirked, then jumped to the side, and slammed it with my foot back to her. It landed in the trashcan. 

"GOAL!!!"

"Ha! Now, it's your turn, Goddess girl!" She ran at me with the scythe raised high.

"Eeeeeee!" She began to chase me around the house with the scythe, while I began to frantically search for my flame thrower. I had lost it last night after puking for an hour or so after I downed one to many DNA's. 

"Ha!!" I spotted it out on the balcony were two had died last night. I didn't even bother opening the glass doors, instead I crashed through them. I reached for the thrower, bending over and leaping to the side before I ended up over the edge, too. Keli was still running at me, and I turned the thing on just in time to char her thoroughly as she careened over the edge and out into the abyss. I stood up.

"HAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!!! I WIN!!! I WIN!!!! I WIN!!!! I–" I was suddenly caught off balance, and looked down. The pigs were pushing at my leg.

"Die, bitch!" 

For such little guys, those things were strong. I toppled backwards, falling off the edge. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Now we win!"

"We always come out victorious!"

"Our Karen!!"

The evil piggies were standing out on the deck, celebrating. Then…

The roof over the balcony collapsed. The pigs were instantly squished. 

Out in the middle of the woods, there stood a refrigerator. From inside, there came a meow. The door slowly opened, and Bob the Cat climbed out. 

"Well, folks, it looks as if Bob is the winner. Since I died tragically, and even the pigs ended up in their graves, we have to award the prize to someone! Alright, now, let's take a look at that prize!" I opened a little envelope. A red haze around my person luminated the note inside.

"And it looks as if a cat can't really get a joy out of our prize. And the prize is… can I have a drum roll?" BEEEP………….

"I'm sorry, viewers, but it seems as if our audio equipment has broken unexpectedly. There's nothing we can do. So, this is the end. Later." The screen begins to fade to black, but then it widens. 

"HEY!!! You can't end it like that!"

"Huh?" The guy turned around. The ghosts of every single one of the contestants on that show were standing/floating behind him, including the camera man. "Who the hell are all of you?"

"We're the ghosts of game show past, and we're here to claim our prize, buddy."

"Shinigami-chan never loses!"

"Baaaa!" 

There was a chorus of agreements, and the guy began to back up. "Um, I had nothing to do with it! It's not my fault!"

"Does it look like we care?" Karen asked sarcastically. 

"Um, will you not kill me if I said 'yes'?"

"Oh, we're not going to kill you."

"Then what are you going to do to me?"

"It's called a game show. Try to escape the island before you die!" Instantly, the guy was transported to the wrecked island. 

"And now, it's the newest reality show from FUCKPTN headquarters! Haunted Island! We're not allowed to kill him, but we can torture the shit out of him!"

"You know, we never did find out what the grand prize was." We were all lounging in a ghosts clubhouse. 

"I know what it was. It was a–"


End file.
